Baby Gods

…like any journey, with an argument.

 

"What’s that?"

"What?"

"That?"

"This?"

"Yes!"

"That’s my key."

"Key? What’s it the key to?"

"None of your business."

"Yes it is."

"No it isn’t"

"Is too."

"Nope."

"It is so! You’re just scared it’s rubbish and I’ll laugh"

"Am not."

"Are too."

"Not."

"Prove it! What’s it the key to?"

"Llama mountain"

"What’s that, is that a new toy?"

"Nope, it’s a place."

"You can’t have a key to a place, you’re too young."

"I am not. I have the key see."

"Yeah but you’re still too young, I don’t have a key to my house and you don’t have a key to you’re house, so how come you have a key to llama mountain?"

"’cause I do."

"’cause it isn’t a real place! I bet you just found the key."

"I did not, it was given to me."

"Yeah, like that big key I found on the mud heap."

"No, this was given to me, it is a special key, it opens up the door to llama mountain."

"Where’s that?"

"Llama mountain?"

"Yeah, where is it."

"I don’t know."

"Well how are you going to open up the door to llama mountain then."

"I don’t need to know where llama mountain is to use the key. I just need to know where the door is. Sheesh you’re stupid!"

"So where’s the door?"

"Wherever I use the key."

"That’s rubbish. A key only opens one door, and doors don’t move. My house door doesn’t move, and only the key my mum has and my dad has opens the door. s’not me who’s stupid, your door doesn’t move. "

"Neither does the llama mountain door, it doesn’t move to the key, the key moves to it. Your mum has to move the key to the front door doesn’t she?"

"Uh huh."

"And your dad."

"Uh huh."

"well then, its the same with this one."

"Go and use it then. Move the key to the door to llama mountain."

"No."

"You can’t can you."

"I don’t know, I haven’t tried."

"Then how do you know?"

"’cause Mr Buttoon said so."

"Who’s he?"

"I don’t know."

"Is he a stranger? You’re not meant to speak to strangers! They give you sweeties and push you on the swings and stuff."

"I know but he’s not a stranger, he’s Mr Buttoon. I know Mr Buttoon. He hides at the bottom of the garden."

"he does not."

"He does!"

"I’ve never seen him."

"That’s ’cause he hides."

"But there isn’t enough room for you to hide at the bottom of the garden."

"Yeah but i’m bigger than Mr Buttoon! Huh, you think you know everything."

"Yeah, but if you’re bigger than him then he can’t be a mister, ’cause misters are grown up and they are bigger than us."

"Well Mr buttoon is a smaller-than-us grown-up."

"There’s no such thing!"

"There is! There’s Mr Buttoon."

"Why did he give you the key?"

"So I could visit llama mountain."

"So why don’t you?"

"’cause its very far away."

"How do you know?"

"Mr Buttoon said so."

"Oh, but the door isn’t you said the door was here."

"Not here, just wherever I use the key."

"but that could be here if you used it here."

"Uh-huh"

"so that means the door is nearly here. And that means it isn’t far away at all."

"no, that just means the door isn’t far away, llama mountain is still far away."

"Well let’s go, it will be an adventure."

"I can’t, mum won’t let me go far away, I’m not allowed out the street, and I’m waiting for my tea, it must be almost time for tea and if I go now then mum will shout for me and I won’t be here and I’ll get into trouble and I’ll have to tell her why and then I’ll have to tell here about Mr Buttoon and then I’ll get in trouble for talking to strangers."

"Oooh i thought he wasn’t a stranger, you said he wasn’t, you’re not meant to talk to strangers, they might take you to see their puppies or something. you shouldn’t talk to him again."

"But he isn’t a stranger, he’s Mr Buttoon and he lives at the bottom of the garden and he’s always lived at the bottom of the garden."

"Oh. So why would your mum be annoyed?"

"’cause I’d miss tea."

"oh yeah!"

"But we could just take a look, just a peek, just to see what it is like, just a quick shifty."

"No."

"Pah, you’re rubbish. Why did Mr buttoon give you the key if you’re not going to use it. I think you should give it to me. I’d have used it already. I’d have been to llama mountain and back a trillion times and still not miss my tea. Give me the key."

"No, you don’t know how to use it."

"So show me."

"no."

"Why not?"

"’cause… its nearly tea time."

"We’ve still got time for a quick look though, just to open the door."

"Well, I don’t know."

"Well, I do, and I’m older than you."

"Not much!"

"Just enough!"

"Pah!"

"I told you how to climb the bendy tree, you couldn’t have climbed that without me!"

"I’d have figured it out."

"Yeah in a few years. and, and who told you how to catch sticklebacks in your hand?"

"My Grandad."

"Did not."

"Did so."

"But i told you first!"

"But that doesn’t count ’cause someone else showed me too."

"Does too count."

"does not."

"Does."

"not"

"Does."

"n’t"

"’too."

"No."

"You’re just scared."

"Am not!"

"Prove it!"

"how?"

"Open the door."

"how else?"

"The door, open the door."